You met someone. A viable candidate. You’ve been vibin’ for a little bit and things are great. They say all the things you like. You react in pleasant ways they haven’t yet seen. Before you know it your days are filled with long bouts of staring into space and visualizing this person in different scenarios. This magical human has blessed the scene and now you have the companionship you’ve been waiting for. You are happily nestling into a relationship.
So, now what? Well, now you slow down and turn some of the focus back onto yourself.
I know, I know, you found the special person that makes your heart pound, right? You don’t want to go back to focusing on the old you – the new and happy you wants to put all of your attention onto your new love interest. It feels so good; everything is perfect, why change? Well, because you are going to ruin the both of you if you don’t.
While gallivanting through my days in search of the real me I reveled in recognizing new quirks about myself. The answers as to why I’ve done things the way I do started to flood in and I liked what I found. I relished in moving to my own beat (no matter how on-time or irregular) and paraded my heightened self-esteem around town. During my exploration phase, I found a partner who simply rocked my world. To say this person is incredible is an understatement. I thanked God hourly for how much more beauty this person brought into my life. Without hesitation, I shifted my focus solely onto the relationship and that’s when I saw problems arise.
My fruitful union was being blemished by unwarranted stress. Stress that I put on myself to perform in ways that I thought were beneficial to the relationship. But, what about the relationship I was previously building with myself? My partner’s presence led me to see things I didn’t know existed deep within. Things I chose not to explore because I had a brand new relationship to nurture. We forget that the people we welcome into our lives are in some way a reflection of us. So while our creator brought in a mirror to help me build myself, I directed my attention to preserving my mate’s perceived outlook of us.
To properly support a partner we must first promote a healthy emotional environment for ourselves. You drew that person in based on your desire to look inside yourself. If you stop this essential work, you remove the elements that aided you in identifying your true nature. Spiritually, we yearn to reach the untapped parts of who we really are. Our individual walk must include daily prayer/meditation, solitude, patience and acceptance. Learning to love everything inside, which takes work, generates a positive, long lasting self-image. Time spent removing the critical judgment of yourself will also remove the need to judge your partner. When you solidify your idea of personal success you can then live in that truth. It’ll be your intimate blueprint to enlightenment. Your ability to cultivate security and inner strength will cause you to fall in love with the process again and again. In turn, that consistent effort will reverberate throughout your relationship.
Experience is the best teacher. I am grateful for reclaiming my most important relationship. Initially, fear led me to think I would lose what I have with my partner when in actuality my continued focus on myself helps light the platform we’re meeting halfway on.